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Hold on to your Apple Watches, folks! At WWDC 2024, Apple finally decided to give Siri a brain transplant with something they call “Apple Intelligence” (AI — get it?). Apparently, it is so smart that it will know more about your life than you do. Tim Cook promises it will be all about privacy and personal context — so intimate, even your calendar can feel neglected. And guess what? Siri’s overhaul means we’re getting Genmoji (yes, that’s real), because I just know you’ve been aching for an AI to create your emojis. Also on the menu: typing queries into Siri like it’s 2010 again, and a “Private Cloud Compute,” which sounds like a techie talking about “We’re still spying on you, but in a better way.” Watch out for this new wave of iMagic coming soon! Here’s everything that was announced at WWDC!
Not everyone is thrilled with the announcements, though: In the newest episode of “Tech Titans Throw Tantrums” this week, Elon Musk threatens to ban iPhones from Tesla, SpaceX and xAI over Apple’s new ChatGPT integration. I guess in Elon’s world, “cutting edge innovation” is synonymous with banning the world’s most popular smartphone via an AI assistant mode that asks for permission before doing anything. Is Tim Cook shaking in his boots or just rolling his eyes? Answers on postcards, plz.
Trend of the week: Pipeline cycle
In today’s episode of “The Mighty: How They Have Fallen,” we bring you the tragic story of Byju, once a $22 billion edtech darling, now worthless in the eyes of BlackRock. After missing financial targets, facing resignations faster than you can say “governance issues” and being publicly roasted by investors, Byju’s has become a cautionary tale for startups everywhere.
Now hold on to the tables with your hats on, guys! Once a Silicon Valley darling with dreams of becoming the absolute dominator of stock trading, Carta is facing a valuation drop from $8.5 billion to just $2 billion — if it’s lucky. After getting caught misusing customer data and pulling out of their side business venture faster than you can say “PR disaster,” it’s clear that all that glitters isn’t gold in startup country. With lawsuits, claims of a toxic culture and customers leaving for bigger banks, it looks like Carta’s days are well and truly over. Investors like Andreessen Horowitz must be excited…
More bad news:
- Leaking snowflake: Buckle up, guys! Snowflake’s latest PR nightmare is here. Despite their claims of invincibility, they have been hit by a series of data breaches involving big names like Ticketmaster and LendingTree. The guilty? Show ex-employee account with funny insurance. Mandiant revealed that the hackers started with a load of data from Snowflake customers.
- Tough times for Apple’s third-party developers: Apple’s WWDC 2024 — where innovation meets imitation! Get ready, third-party app developers, because Apple has once again dragged your favorite tools. Apple is basically saying to these developers, “Thanks for the idea. we’ll take it from here.”
- HR-rrrrgh: Rippling, the HR startup, apparently has a “no soup for you” policy when it comes to former employees who now work at competitors like Deel and Workday. Despite investor demand exceeding $2 billion (cue money bags), Rippling is playing gatekeeper with its massive offering, allowing only non-competing ex-employees to redeem their shares.
The most interesting fundraisers this week
Welcome to the startup funding circus of 2024, where Y Combinator companies are pulling off a bold new act – raising tiny seed rounds with high valuations and no lead investors. Angels swoop in like hungry doves, leaving institutional investors scratching their heads and clutching their wallets. Will this act pay off, or will it leave startups hanging without a safety net? Grab your popcorn. this edition of the show is just getting started!
Heck, Paris-based AI startup Mistral AI just landed $640 million in Series B funding. With General Catalyst leading the charge, this new contender in the AI arena is now valued at $6 billion. Founded by former Meta and DeepMind brains, Mistral aims to make big shots like OpenAI with its own shiny models and open source goodies. But don’t get too comfortable. Their top models are locked tighter than Banque de France unless you have an API pass.
- Beh, sono dadi soldi: Italy’s startup scene is getting a caffeine boost with the new Italian Founders Fund (IFF) throwing €50 million into the ring. Aiming to close Italy’s start-up funding gap, IFF plans to distribute its cash among 25 companies, showering early-stage founders with tourists in Rome-without-Google-Maps-style.
- Negatively, eat crow: Urvashi Barooah was told she had a better chance of finding Bigfoot than breaking into venture capital. Rejected from every MBA program and mocked for her ambitions, she decided the haters were just free motivational speakers: She’s now a partner at Redpoint Ventures, managing its ninth $650 million fund.
- Cash-ching: Meet Fizz, the debit card that’s here to save Gen Z from its credit-loathing ways. It turns out that traditional banks just aren’t cutting it for the TikTok generation. Two Harvard and Cornell graduates decided that building a financial empire was more appealing than finishing college. Who needs diplomas when you have $14.4 million in seed funding led by Kleiner Perkins?
Other Unmissable TechCrunch Stories…
Welcome to the world where cats are finally getting the VIP treatment they deserve — Meowtel has clawed its way to profitability despite dog-obsessed VCs turning up their noses. Founder Sonya Petcavich, inspired by her own feline guilt trip, took $100,000 and a dream to create an elite cat service. With 2,200 sitters and over 95,000 successful placements under her belt (or shall we say collar?), Meowtel proves that cats aren’t just second-class pets.
Moar? Moar!
- Rivian wins a path to a less bleak future: Rivian’s rollercoaster ride through the EV landscape just got a lot less nauseating. After juggling electric pickups, SUVs, delivery trucks for Amazon, and even an ambitious IPO, Rivian has finally streamlined its chaotic existence. But get your popcorn. the EV saga is far from over.
- Raspberry Pi goes to LSE: Who would have guessed that the humble Raspberry Pi, beloved by tinkerers and hobbyists for building cheap, tiny computers, would grow to ring the bell on the London Stock Exchange? With the company now valued at a modest £542 million (or $690 million if you prefer your dollar figures), their shares immediately jumped 32% because apparently everyone loves a good underdog story.
- BeDollars: BeReal, the app that convinced 40 million people to share their mundane lives without filters, just got a €500 million bailout from Voodoo. Apparently, keeping it real wasn’t paying the bills.
- Smartphone meets dumbphone: Tired of your iPhone’s ever-increasing IQ making you feel like the village idiot? Enter the Light Phone III, the phone that strips your digital life down to its minimalist core. With a shiny new OLED screen and absolutely zero social media apps, it’s perfect for those who enjoy living in technology denial.
- To infinity… and back!: Hold on to your space helmets: SpaceX just took off the rocket equivalent of a triple-axle with its latest Starship launch. Not only did they send this man-made mammoth skyward, but they also managed to bring back both the amp and the upper stage. Musk’s team even threw in some rants about the heat shield, proving once again that rocket science isn’t rocket science…
